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Zine maker, peace activist, writer, reader, feminist. I like listening to good listeners. Email me at robotmad (gmail).

Monday, March 20, 2006

dreams #21

In my dreams, the things I‘m most scared of happen. It’s as if my sleep mind is trying to prepare me by rehearsing the worst.

I also dream variations on bad situations that happened in the past. For example, I often dream of being trapped in a relationship that I need to get out of, and I’m trying to find the strength.

Other dreams seem to come out of nowhere, like the ones where I’m in another country. Some are like vivid, strange movies. In real life, I don’t watch movies, so maybe my mind is trying to entertain itself.

The most reoccurring images / symbols in my dreams are water, hiking paths, toilets, cars, nudity, flying, gardens, babies, and smoking.

Usually, the water is dirty, full of biting bugs, or menacing in another way, like with huge waves or sharks. But I also remember beautiful whales.

The hiking paths are nice though sometimes daunting, like, “Do I really have to go that whole way?”

The toilets are filthy, and I need to find a clean one to use, and privacy.

Cars are going off the road or driving without a driver. I realize there’s no driver and panic. I’ve been having car dreams since I was very small.

Sometimes the nudity is fine, but usually it’s inappropriate and vulnerable. I ask myself, “Why did I think it was okay to go out without pants again? I need to remember to wear pants!”

When I fly in my dreams, I feel surprised, like, “Why didn’t I notice I could fly earlier?” Sometimes I’ll be jumping and realize I can fly, or I’ll be running and realize it.

The gardens in my dreams are usually gorgeous, and I need to water and tend them, or I forgot I had a garden, but when I go back, it’s beautiful and flourishing.

The babies always have something odd about them, like they talk even though they were just born, they turn into a cat, or they consist only of a head. I’m supposed to take care of them, but there’s some reason I can’t.

When I smoke in my dreams, I feel confused, like, “I thought I quit smoking.” Then I decide, “Oh yeah, it’s okay if I smoke just a little bit.” Sometimes I smoke two cigarettes at the same time.

When I was a teenager, I always dreamed that I was looking for something, on a quest. Usually I was with a group of people, and we were journeying through the forest. (This dreaming might have been influenced by the fantasy adventure novels I read at the time.)

Now I often dream that I left something behind. I need to go back and get it, but I’m not allowed back. I can sneak in, but what if I get caught? I’m going back for plants, books, clothes, or furniture that I left in our old house accidentally.


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