libraries

Public libraries are wonderful socialist institutions because everyone can get a library card, and it’s free. You don’t even have to prove you’re a citizen. But you might have to prove your address.

I used to hate libraries because they made me feel claustrophobic. The window is never open, sometimes they can smell bad, like mustiness, and the air is stale.

Also, I went to bad libraries in Santa Maria where they never really had the book I was looking for. I felt oppressed there. I was scared of librarians.

On the other hand, UCSB’s library is eight stories high, and I was overwhelmed by too many books. I didn’t know how to find what I was looking for. Security guards at the all exits creep me out.

Now I know more about libraries and love them because I can go to good ones. I even like to hang out there, writing and reading. And I like librarians now. I think they’re nice.

Librarians, here is some advice for you. Please keep many golf pencils available, and scrap paper, for the unprepared to write down call numbers. Please make sure the chairs are comfortable for all people. Please make everyone turn off their cell phones. Please be quiet, buy all the books I like, and buy all the magazines I like. That’s all--thank you.